2016, abuse, Insight, Ramblings, speaking out, Thoughts


I haven’t posted in a while on this blog. There’s so much going on in this world and I have so many thoughts, but I can’t seem to articulate them. And I usually feel my voice doesn’t need to be heard. But this morning, a friend shared an article on Facebook (link at the bottom of this post). It was one that I was happy to see because of the message. It’s about affection and the effects of making kids show affection.

When my daughters were young, they were super affectionate. Constant hugs and kisses…constant cuddles. Everyone loved getting the hugs and kisses – hugs and kisses that weren’t prompted by me. I mean, who doesn’t love the squeezes from little ones?!

But as they got older, things started to change.

As someone who grew up in an affectionate home, you would think I would have been offended when my daughter didn’t give as many hugs as she used to. You would think I would be upset and sad…but I wasn’t. In fact, I was happy.

Happy??? Yes. Happy.

Of course, I missed the cuddles. But I was happy because they were setting a boundary, and boundaries are important. I didn’t tell them, “but you need to hug (fill in the blank) because…” and I didn’t guilt them. As expected, some people were sad or offended that the hugs were no longer freely given, but when I explained why I didn’t force it, it was understood and embraced.

Earlier on Facebook, I posted the following:

I’m raising two young ladies, who are sweet, funny, beautiful, and smart.
I’m raising two young ladies who will someday be women.
I’m raising two young ladies that I’m trying to empower.
I’m raising two young ladies that are learning now that they have women’s intuition and that it is something to be honored and heard.
I’m raising two young ladies who will someday be on their own and have to protect themselves.

My goal, my job, as a mom is to equip my children with knowledge…encourage their voice…support them, and to love them unconditionally. And I do, so very much. My daughters are my world and I want them to turn into strong women who can go out into the world and do anything. And I will not undermine who they are turning into by MAKING them show affection. As they are growing up, they’re learning to listen to that inner voice, but more importantly, they’re learning to TRUST it.

And I can add that from my experience with NOT forcing my children to show affection to myself or anyone else, they ARE affectionate. Not to everyone, but to a select few. And for those on the receiving end of it, they should feel special because it is not given frequently, but it is given wholeheartedly.

❤ XO




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